We hear a lot about getting clear on our goals and I’m a huge fan of it, but there’s something even more important in regard to moving toward the life you should be leading.

What’s behind your goal?

Why do you want what you want?

Let me explain.

We’re a pretty emotional species. We make our decisions emotionally and then justify them by logic (sometimes we don’t even justify them very well). We set goals for the same reason.

Let’s take money as an example, it’s on most people’s “Things I want more of” list.

WHY? Why do you want more money? I’m serious about this.

There’s always an emotional answer to this question.

Do you believe more money will make you: Happy, Powerful, Loved, Important, Safe, sexy, Free, etc. etc.

The emotion behind the goal is your real goal.

Get clear on what’s behind the goal, and you tap into the emotional power that will drive you toward it. You might also find there’s an easier, more direct route to your real goal.



I pears are beautiful, they’re like little hand held sculptures that you pick up at the grocery store. A few weeks ago we had some really beautiful pears, they were red, Bartlett pears, really stunning. Yesterday they all landed in the composter because they’d rotted…not so beautiful any more. I’m not sure what I was saving the pears for, I knew they wouldn’t last. Pears are for eating. Life is for living; love is for expressing; air is for breathing; songs are for singing. Eat the pear, sing the song, love, breath and live your life. What are you waiting for?


Three frogs are sitting on a log and two of them decide to jump off. How many frogs are sitting on the log?

THREE. Deciding to jump off a log and jumping off a log are NOT the same thing.

I have a big problem with over analysing, over thinking and making huge decisions that either don’t stick, or don’t start.

The living is in the doing, the learning is in the doing. Stop deciding to live a different life and start living it. Don’t think about writing, start writing. Don’t think about exercising, get up and do it. Stop thinking about that trip, start walking.

The smallest movement is more powerful than all the deciding and planning in the world.

I know, it’s now been about 45 minutes since I decided to get out of bed, and I’m still under the covers…it’s so cosy in here, someone bring me a coffee.


Lily and Zara

These are my kids – taken by my good friend, and awesome photographer, Tracey Nolan http://misstraceynolan.com/

Lily, the oldest was adopted from China, Zara from South Africa.

We had just come back from South Africa with Zara when Lily came home from school saying that she’d met her friend Elisabeth’s little sister “And they look EXACTLY the same”.

The adoptive parent in me went into panic mode…”if I don’t deal with this correctly, her self-esteem and sense of family connection will be lost forever.  The next few moments will direct her life toward happiness or a life of drugs and gang  involvement” (OK so I was a little jet lagged).  I gently took her in my arms, and explained that some siblings look alike and others don’t, but they’re all still family.

She said “you mean the way Zara and I look alike.”

Take a second and look at the picture again.

When I asked her why she thought she looked like her sister Zara she looked at me like I was out of my mind and said, “Because we both have the same colour hair and eyes”.

This kid should be working for the United Nations.

I love this story not only because my kid is so awesome, but because it reminds me that we find what we look for.

If we’re looking for things to separate us, we will find them.

If we’re looking for things to draw us together, we will find them.

If we’re looking for reasons to be miserable, we will find them.

If we’re looking for reasons to be happy, we will find them.

If we’re looking for situations to help us grow into the people we were created to be, we will find them.

What are you looking for?


It’s easy to get caught up in the stuff that’s screaming the loudest.

Years ago I was a lifeguard (where is that red Speedo?) and remember knowing that if I ever arrived at an emergency situation, my attention should go to the people who were quiet, not the ones who were screaming for my attention. The people screaming were breathing and conscious, I needed to attend to the ones lying quietly, those were the people we could lose, possibly forever.

We all have things in our lives screaming for our attention and things that are quietly slipping away, possibly forever.

I challenge you today to focus on the things in your life that REALLY matter, not the ones trying the hardest to get your attention.



Until this morning I didn’t realize how much of my life I spend in “but”….”I’d love to get into better shape, but I’m busy”, “I’m  excited about my new keynote, but now that I’m back at school…” and “I’d love to travel more, but I’ve got kids and responsibilities”.

The list goes on and on and on and on and on.

I was challenged this morning by my good friend Claude to replace the word “but” with the word “and”. Suddenly everything changes. “I’d love to get into better shape and I’m really busy”, “I’m really excited about the new keynote and now that I’m back teaching…”

The words are small, the difference is huge and already I’m seeing a LOT more possibilities. I’m changing my vocabulary and getting rid of but, I’ll keep you posted.

Check out more about Claude HERE.


There’s no word in the Dutch language for “weed” grass in the tulip bed isn’t a weed, it’s a plant that’s not in the right place.

You might be in the wrong place, but you’re never a weed.

If you’re in the wrong place, get into the right place.




I was watching some early Betty Boop in class this week this week (I LOVE my job).  This was before 1934 when the production code made her cover up her cleavage, lower her hems and lose both her garter and her wiggle.  She’s saucy, sexy and awesome.

After the code went into effect, she lost more than the garter – she got watered down and became a little (I hate to say it) bland.

Betty was a product of the Fleischer Studios, but they weren’t the only animation studio to have problems with the production code.  Disney’s biggest star – Mickey Mouse – did not pass the code’s strict moral standards; he drank, smoked, abused other animals and forced kisses from a reluctant Minnie – WHAT A CAD.

Where the Fleischers grumbled and robbed Ms. Boop of her spark, Disney used the opportunity to reinvent Mickey.  He became the happy-go-silly, optimistic innocent we know and love today.  He also jumped from being a star to being an icon.

Life is going to throw you some problems – sorry, but it’s true – you can grumble about them and give up or you can muster all your creativity and do a Disney, use new limitations to create a work of genius.  Turn your star into a legend.


On my birthday I sat down, as I usually do, and spent some time with my goals: Heath, finance, relationships, creative projects etc. a bit more detail HERE

A few weeks later, I had changed NOTHING. That voice in my head, the one who sounds like a drill sergeant, yells “YOU JUST DON’T WANT IT BADLY ENOUGH!”. I realized he was right. I don’t want it badly enough, I’m not lazy, or unmotivated, or unclear, I’m…wait for it…HAPPY.

It was a life changing moment. That was a month ago. Interestingly enough, since that day, I’ve maintained an exercise program and dropped some weight, finished a rough draft of my next book, and launched a new seminar.

There’s something powerful about knowing that I’m working from a place of contentment.

Before you head out on any life changes, great or small, ask yourself how badly you want it, and listen to the answer.

I’m making small, but effective changes that are paying off. Life is good and I’m working to make it better. This for me (at this point) is authentic and it’s working for me.